When did your Spiritual Awakening begin?

Plot twist! Your spiritual awakening never began, because there is no start nor end ♾

But like 2015 for the sake of answering the question.

I was living my life to what I thought was its fullest. I lived with a loving partner in a cute downtown Toronto home with our cat, Zooey Dave Chappelle. I had a fulfilling career in nonprofit fundraising management, working alongside some incredibly gold-hearted, gifted people. I travelled all over Canada teaching leadership workshops, meeting so many interesting people and experiencing some incredible moments in nature along the way. But around 3am every night I was wide awake contemplating walking away from it all.

My life seemed picture perfect on the outside, but I was living hollowly. Inside, I was ignoring a calling coming from deep within. I was fronting like I knew myself when truthfully, I was a lost girl pretending to be a big woman, living fast in the city. 

I was also neglecting and harming my body. I didn’t think too hard about the choices I made. I ate whatever food, drank excessively and towards my rock bottom moment, started using cocaine, MDMA and other harmful drugs. I was depressed and eventually began having suicidal thoughts. To be clear, I wasn’t raised like that! Omg when I finally told my parents 🙈 let’s just say I’m thankful they were loving and compassionate, but it took years of therapy to let go of the shame that I carried. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, seek help 💜 Visit CAMH for resources and professional advice.

So boom, I’m painting one night with some friends and it suddenly hits me. Like a true light bulb moment. I couldn’t un-know this truth: In order to build the life you truly desire, you must first destroy the one you have. 

After that, everything changed for me. Some changes were my doing, while some, the Universe helped me out. Which is something that everyone who had a “wake up” moment can attest to: once you open your third eye, 1) it’s very hard to go back to sleep! And 2) the universe will flow with you and keep you aligned on your path, putting the right people, places and opportunities in front of you, and removing the ones that don’t align with your higher purpose. Acknowledge and trust the signs! 

End of 2015. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, was laid off from my job of 4 years, moved to a new apartment in a new part of the city, quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey, went back to school. 2016 I reconnected with an old friend who helped me get clean from drugs. He would stay up with me and ask me hard hitting questions that I eventually learned how to ask myself. I would say he saved my life by holding a mirror to me. 2016 I wrote the manuscript for Mirrors & Smoke. 

This “woke” life has introduced some amazing people into my life who I never would have met had I continued on that path of sleepwalking. It allowed me to travel to new parts of the world, to see and experience beauty differently. I also lost many friends and family who didn’t get what had gotten into me. It’s been lonely at times. Yet I wouldn’t wish it any other way. I’m still learning, still growing, still shedding old narratives about myself. I still have low vibrational, human moments. And I definitely know way less than I ever thought I did about life and the world we live in. And I’m okay with that. Because I wake up every day and choose to create the life I always knew I was meant to live.

My life isn’t always rainbows and unicorns, but it’s purposeful. And for that I’m grateful.


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